relationships that last: lessons in communication, part 3

Continued from Part 2

13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

sharing your feelings

In marriage, one of the most exciting and enriching aspects, is to know and be completely real with another person. In a God-centered marriage, He shows us the pattern for great relationships. He knows us completely (Matthew 10:29-30), and He wants us to know Him (John 15:13 -15; and Acts 17:27). This is his design. Knowing requires curiosity, questioning, and interest to remember and internalize. And being known by someone else, requires a vulnerability or willingness to reveal yourself to another. It means being willing to tell another everything about you, how you think, and how you feel.

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[a] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
27 God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.

Becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24) means you commit to sharing everything. Most couples find this challenging. Men and women process feeling differently. Women often do not understand why men have such difficulty sharing their feelings and men often do not understand why women want to talk about their feelings.

Q: How does your spouse communicate or process feelings?

Emotions are not always rational nor reasonable but they are real just the same. It rarely goes well to argue with or judge feelings. “You should not feel that way”, or anything starting with, ” I don’t think you should…” do not achieve a positive outcome. Listen attentively, seek to understand what is expressed and accept them. Home should be a place where it is safe to be honest and free from judgement or harsh responses.

Body language

Always seek to communicate in words rather than tone or body language. Words communicate more clearly. One’s tone (e.g. sarcasm) and body language (e.g., arms crossed, impassive expression) often display inaccurate and confusing messages. We communicate in two ways: what we say and how we say it. Our mouths communicate what is in our heart (Matthew 12:34, NASB)

34 ..........For the mouth speaks from that which fills the heart.

Since your innermost attitude will be revealed in your tone and body language, what can you do to get your heart right?


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