when down is upbeat

One of my co-workers may have nailed it.  As a retired Navy Chief,  I am probably comforted by the end of the year “housecleaning” that I have been doing for the last few days.  While I do not have a mile of seawater beneath my keel to jettison all the accumulated junk, I have been diligently analyzing, separating parts and materials and trash into three piles.  A huge packing crate box, after three days, is filled with items that I pulled out of everywhere in our engineering lab and did not want to necessarily sort through at the time.  Our custodians every evening have been welcomed with lots of old shipping boxes and packing material and overflowing trash cans.

That is the trouble with keeping a place ship-shape, whether it is a workplace – where I am Chief, coordinator, mover,  engineer,  and tech support, and a janitor and assembler.   I left the place in capable hands (or just left it) for about a year as I worked on other priorities.   And the resulting condition that will take me the remainder of the week to work through, was the outcome.   At the same time,  I am preparing new projects and engineering teams to work in the laboratory,  by completing a checklist and coordinating supporting departments to help with the usual things that a manufacturing site requires.

After a week or more of drama with my wife’s work situation – which some may have heard or had someone they know affected by the nursing school closure – and some other personal drama that has been ongoing,  I am glad for more mindless activity for the end of the year.  Having very vivid and strange dreams, which a Twitter post I read today ascribing to “depression” (!),  I am hopeful for this year-end case of the “Mondays” to finally work itself through.

It is shaping up to be a great new year,  with me still employed – and even given a raise.  The company is secure and even looking forward to greater things with new buildings, more business orders, and more staffing needed.    My spouse looking ahead to new job with a much better employer in the new year.  Our grandchild is growing bigger, healthier and more of a character every time we see him.    But there are still so many things that need to get done on my to-do list at home.  With the stresses of the last half-year weighing heavily on my family,  I need to be positively motivating.  Me.   

For a guy who once was very much a Dostoevsky-character during the holidays,  I now must be a full-fledged Christmas fancier,  radiating positive feelings and taking on the decorating inside to cheer everyone up.  Now that I am needed to be the broad shoulders and the can-do attitude for my wife and our boomer(ang) son,  my frustrations about commuting, boring work, even lack of enthusiasm with my church,and the holiday season,  is  just way too selfish.